LETTERS FROM BAGHDAD

june 27, 2003 e-mail

hi babe!
yes,no spam on this account (we'll stick to it). i may still
be here when your contract expires (2/13/04)
(looks bad for us,they're not letting any units out
anytime soon.) i'm so glad you are there...
you have no idea what your contact has meant
to me.
it's a horrible life i have here but you make
all the difference to me in the world.
still no mail, a little came the other day but for most
of us it has been over 2 months since we last recieved anything.
sucks! i'm in a rush again trying to get this letter out before morning
formation starts. life sucks so bad here i can't even find time to write
you an e-mail!
miss you babe...(for sure!)...love...m...

(this is the 2 month old letter)
april 18,2003 (snailmail)
greetings babe!
maybe by the time this letter reaches you we will have the e-mail
set up. as you have guessed by now, i am in baghdad. we are staying in one of
saddam's palaces,(castle...whatever). i'm staying in one of the towers
for now, they move us about sometimes. you probably read about my unit in the
paper,it's no secret now. I've been here about a week now and havent recieved
any mail but that is normal. i can't believe how backward and slow the mail service is.
we are attached in a way, to the airforce and they don't seem to be up on the mail.
everyone complains about how slow it is. when i was in the marine corps i
remember it took only about a week or so to send and recieve mail ( even when on ship).
the weather is great here (so far). we don't have power or running water in some parts
of the castle so today i took a bath in the canal nearby. i'll have to wash my clothes in the
same place, just like i used to when i was in p.i. (with a washboard). i found some
charcoal so have a stove, of sorts. we're still waiting on hot chow at this time.
we eat mre's (meal ready to eat) and it makes for a soft stool (that's why my bath
is so importantLOL!) anyway, i miss talking to you via e-mail. it sucks not having your loved ones to
communicate with (it's hard enough just being apart!) i'm sending you a letter first,
i'll write my friends later. like i said, i have'nt recieved any mail from anyone yet...
we flew in at night, all crowded on an old c-130 prop plane. kind of spooky in a way.
some of the guys are bothered by the fact that we made the newspaper. it was supposed to be
secret (some of what we are doing). since the paper already mentioned it, i might as well
tell you i am attached to the special forces and that's why i couldn't talk about things on the
net.(or in letters) special operations is pretty strict about what can be said and can't be said.
but now thanks to the media some things are not secret. i still can't tell you what we do or
are doing but at least you know what i am doing in the military and have a better idea
about how i am living, etc. you know i was bummed out about not being included in some
missions and so forth but a lot of people had to take thier turn doing things. (so i'm not the
only one) this is what i came back in the military for, to do and be part of things
most people only read about or see on t.v. however, i am ready to go home now!LOL
i really miss my real life. i never knew how good i really had it. military life is strange,
to say the least. the other day i got to look through some iraqi barracks. it was spooky...
they left in a hurry it looks like, with thier clothes on bunks and the floor. there were photos
on the walls and lockers. i saw one half-written letter on a bunk. the guy must have left
in a real hurry because he didn't finish it. it was in arabic so i couldn't tell who it was
to, not that i cared, i just felt bad, they're soldiers just like us.
anyway,there's not much i can say. things have slowed down some, the people (locals) seem to like
us enough. again, can't tell you much. how have things been with you? i can imagine
your e-mail to me, i mean i know what you would write, not hearing from me.
we are soulmates, we may even communicate with out e-mail or letters, who knows?
i only know getting back together with you after all these years has made my life so much better.
it's the kind of things in life you don't expect that can be the most rewarding. i know you
have some issues, not unlike me. like me, you are in another country, away from your past
(and way of life). i'm not sure how much more i want to travel. i don't want to spend
my life working but i do have to think of the future.
i hope all is well with you, i miss hearing from you, for sure.
i miss not knowing how you feel and i do worry a little about how you
are doing. i hope we can really be together sometime ( i live for it.)
well, hope to hear from you soon. always thinking of you.....love....m

(decided to start posting from most recent contacts)
june 23,2003 e-mail
subject:2 month old letter
hey babe!
i'm here (still). use my army e-mail (the spam is
killing me with over 500 messages and i couldn't
get to your mail for almost a half an hour now)
i don't have e-mail anymore so it is hit or miss
getting online. i hope i can get home for the holidays
but one never knows. (we could plan something
that way and the earlier i can see you the better!)
i've sent several letters but expect a month or so for delivery.
i've recieved almost no mail for a month now but i know
you have been sending. i'll write more if i have time this
a.m. love you babe! (stay with me here, i need you
so bad!!!)

a TIMELY snail letter!!!!
only took 2 weeks! must post asap!
june 11,2003
hey babe!
got my first e-mail off to you last night, could'nt write much
(some major waiting for me to finish). one of the regular
army officers let me use his military pc to check my e-mail.
i'll get back to e-mail soon, we are still getting established here.
Lt. **** is the guy's name who lets me use his computer here.
(did you know i used to be an officer?) anyway, i stayed out so long
i could'nt get my rank back before the war. i'm going to have a job as
a sgt. when i get back to the states. (i'm getting out of the infantry!)
got your second package today!
(writers note... have sent at least 20 packages since february!!!)
i get so tired of american junk food so i always look forward to your packages!
we are slowly getting back to normal around here. for example i don't have to wash my clothes
in the canal anymore, we have a laundry service.they've installed lights
and AC in our "warehouse" and the guys have hooked up a half-assed shower
in the back (the water is hot because the it sits in tanks
on the roof).
you just never know what you've got till it's gone, we had it so good
at the 'palace'.we were attached to the special forces and they took good
care of us. we had a swimming pool, showers, hot meals, e-mail
and cool jobs (for the most part).now we are back to the real army and it takes
some getting used to. the special forces guys are a pretty
good bunch of human beings... and now it's back to 'jerkland'.
i don't know sometimes if i'm going to make my "20 years"
and retire or not. it's a money thing, i'm not getting any younger.
i officially have my degree now so i might apply for a warrant officer
'desk job' (i don't want to be deployed to a place like this again,
that's for sure. they really screwed us on this deployment. being
guard and reserves, most of us only figured on 6 months if the war went well,
not a whole fucking year! my orders now are until xmas, i still
can't believe it! yes, i'll save a lot of money of money but i would rather
be at home. i live so well and have always prided myself on that fact.
to come here and spend hours in a hot dusty stinking foxhole
is about as low as you can go. i had hoped we could be together
for the holidays, esp. since i am not seeing anyone. even if i get home this year
it will be torture waiting until summer to see you. yes, if you
come in the summer there is plenty we can do. i will most likely
be in Btown because i am going to 'take it easy' for awhile. i've several options here,
ie, go to grad. school, manage the new***, or just 'wing it', doing
my own brand of odd jobs. either way, i am going to chill for
awhile after this event, collecting unemployment and doing
what i want for a change...
the mail service is still SNAFU (situation normal, all fucked up)
when i served in the marines and army before i never remember
it being this bad. i'd hate to think what it would be like if we were fighting
a real war. they say the war is still on but probably less killing in
baghdad than NYC. i have a job now as an escort for vips and iraqi nationals
so i do worry some about being shot at but it has not happened yet.
i did photograph some looters the other day and they became very angry,
shaking thier fists at me and cursing. some guys asked me
why i did'nt you shoot them and i said that i would rather just
take pictures. the camera can be an awesome weapon, in more ways than one.
some people just hate to have thier picture taken!
i'll have lots of photos to share with you when i get home. i was going to
go to market and buy you things but they won't allow us to send packages
of anything other than personal gear. sucks! (they say blame it
on the people caught sending the wrong stuff home.) i always buy my girlfriends
gold jewelry so i will try to find something to send in a letter,
(my dogtag made it so that is a good sign) gold is real cheap
here now so i would love to buy some. the policy may change so
i'll keep you posted...
like you, i've had several dreams about us. we're always doing
such 'normal stuff' like walking along and talking. i have such strong feelings
for you now but like my dream of home, i try not to dwell on what i can't or don't have.
i'll count the days till we can be together just like i count the days
when i can go home.
anyway, (i'm enjoying the 'black gum' you sent) find enclosed some
iraqi dinars. it's not worth anything because it's not on the exchange board.
i thought you could give to your friends as a gag.
did i tell you i have kept all your letters? they're
just 'too cool'. i'll always treasure them and remember how
you kept me going during the lowest point in my life.
lordy how i love you! never thought it would mean so
much, but it does. it sounds kooky but i will have a
hard time even going out on dates at home with out
thinking of you! i hope i can go home someday
and you will come visit and all will be perfect!!!
love you babe
love...m

march30,2003
subject:soulmates
yep, you might be right about people not
accepting us. we just might make a lot of people
mad instead of getting done what we need to do
get done. i could go into more detail but that would be
violating some rules here. we want to provide aid at this
point but it shouldn't be the military's job (we're lousy at it).
i would fight a war in a different way but as a friend says,
"it ain't my barbeque"...
yes, i believe we are soulmates, it's just the wrong time,
wrong place and different people. life is like that. if you are
a math person i would say you have 'variables' to deal with.
(you play the hand you are dealt) we can't change history,
ie. wars, marraiges, etc... i deal with that issue well, i 'll always
live well because i adapt and accept. you still want to make your
way in life (just don't cry over spilled milk) we do have some
interesting converstaions around here. i've been talking to a navy
girl about some of my favorite books and it turns out
she has some to loan. we do what we can here to get by,
(except sharing a toothbrush, that's where i draw the line!lol)
anyway, we were talking about being accepted here and that's
an area where much work is needed. typical republican thinking
is that you can have your dessert before the main mealLOL!
(that's how i feel about the silly tax breaks as well).
anyway soulmate, best sign off now, (need my latte
and smoke break) write back...love...m

march18, 2003 (e-mail)
subject: read this first
hi babe! yeah it sure looks like it. maybe it doesnt have to be so bad.
a lot of the other side are coming over to us, it's a good sign.
i've already said more than i should. anyway, the net is real slow.
i may not get as many e-mails out as i would like. i sent you a letter,
i'll send more. don't worry about me and don't worry about the war. it's
a great nation here that moves forward and i hope that means little pain
for others, i believe that. getting rid of this nutcase
may help the future, i'm sure (we all hope). i want to go home,
want to yahoo w/you (i'll phone when i've the chance, thanks for the
phone number)...better go now, there's a line and i want to catch up
on the news in a few...love ya babe!!!!!!!!m

march 28,2003 (e-mail)
subject: cant stay away...me too!
hey love! i feel i know you soooo well
(i even know what you are going to say
sometimesLOL! (ie,making love)). i'm
fine here and the gossip (that's what it isLOL!)
is all about being mobile but no one
ever knows for sure and i find that funny
sometimes. i've told people i'm willing to
go just about anywhere and on just about
any mission but they damn well better have
latte and internet (and believe it or not i think
they do LOL!). we are such a priviledged class,
us americans. anyway, a line has formed,
i'll write back tonight (oh so very sweet one!)
...love...m


march29,2003 (e-mail)
subject: desk duty?
no, i can't read minds but i know how you feel, etc.
no, i've no desk duty but you can gather from my
lifestyle that i'm not on the front lines. i'm not in
the rear either and some of what we do is making
the national news. but don't guess or write me about
it because we're still not supposed to talk about it.
i'll write you a letter perhaps and can say more
because of the time gap, etc. there's a line so i'll
try to write later if i'm not called away for a while.
...love...m


march19,2003 (e-mail)
subject: package came!
hey my love! don't worry, we won't lead the charge!
i'm fine and nothing's really changed here. i'll write another
letter and can tell you more at that time. nothing here is
all that tight, just business as usual. your package came
today! my fav ***snacks, i love those treats! they travel
well and i can take the small packages with me, such a
healthy snack. i think of you more and more as the time goes
by. i'm going to find a phone center my first day off and
give you a ring so it may be a few days. i don't know how this
phone center works but the other one requires hours of waiting
and you couldn't hear crap anyway. i don't want to have to shout
to be heard our first phone call. i also need to get up the nerve
to talk to you and remember what i wanted to say (almost as
bad as a first dateLOL!). i have duty the next couple of
days so it it will be at least that long before i phone. if we lose
e-mail for any reason, i will want to phone anyway, as well.
e-mail service is getting a little better, they added a couple laptops
and not everyone has found them yet (LOL). i still want you
not to worry! if i die it will be from shear boredomLOL!).
i'll close for now, but i will write you another letter while
on duty. thanks again for the package! (the spider
is a pretty one!)...love you!...m...ps...don't worry...

march29,2003 (e-mail)
subject: atlas
hey babe! sure i get your drift (most of the time!lol)
i know we think alike, that's a given. (most true when
it comes to soulmates though they may be worlds apart.)
i get my share of shit details here but everyonne has to
"suck it up" now and again. it's not as bad i thought
and we do get some action now and then but i still
want to be home (but i'm not running the war).
i have a nagging feeling that this whole deal is
going to drag on for a long time. i'm sure it
should cost the republicans an election,(that's
the good side of it).
anyway, i will try to get some e-mail time tonight,
(i've the graveyard shift). i had a dream about you
the other night. didnt get to see you though, (figures)
but what i remember is that you had a fancy red
sports car. i could'nt help but notice that's just not your styleLOL!
well, better run, (there's someone waiting to use this pc).
anyway, you're right about something, i do have
an air-conditioned tent! they always make a point about that
(starving kids in china) and tell us how lucky we are
(starving kids in the marine corpsLOL!) we have showers but the
brits have holes in the ground for thier restrooms,
so on and so on. anyway, i'll write later...love...m


march31,2003(e-mail)
subject:back again!
hey love! i would never refuse a kiss from you!
you can be sure of that. i know why you might
pick up that in your dreams because i have been accused
by women of being stuck-up. i'm picky (not so much about looks,
but relationships)about those sort of things and i'm
not like other people (all hormones and all...LOL!)
i'm glad you recieved my letter, i only wrote it a month ago!LOL
i've got the graveyard again tonight ( guess
guard duty is better than some things i could be doing here)
anyway, don't be alarmed by the news much,
i'm much safer here than driving my truck or
breaking horses!LOL i'll write back tonight,
just checking my mail today before evening chow!
write back!...love...m

march 13,2003 (e-mail)
subject: another e-mail!
hey babe! so nice to hear from my little lite,
my little political spitfire!lol no, i don't think they
moniter much of anything here except maybe the bad guys.
just the threat of losing e-mail is enought to keep me silent.
someday i'll tell you what i'm doing some of the time but you
can imagine the rest and get some info from the news.
i do wish france would come around, it's the best chance of
going home, i believe. no one wants war, even bush.
(has he started it yet? no...) anyway, i do miss yahooing with
you and living in btown again. (i had it made!) i hope
they don't keep us long, that's why i want the next resolution
to pass. i think everyone wants to go home, war or peace.
shoot, just when i want to write you a long letter a line forms here.
(how i miss the luxury of my own room and pc. try living in a tent
with 50 guys and waiting in line to take a shit!lol) i'll write
back, keep the faith, miss and love you babe...m

february 14,2003 (2nd snailmail)
hey babe!
sorry i couldnt get a letter out earlier, but the shit is serious
now,(no phone calls, no e-mails,etc.) it's worse than jail here.
someday i'll get to tell you what i'm doing but right now all i can
tell you is that i'm in-country (kuwait) and safe. i'm taking photos
and i'll share them with you later but right now we are locked
down in an armed compound. i've been through it a million times
so i'm used to it, it's not that bad. you'll enjoy some photos i've
taken, (snowball fight at camp***, guys in towel fight, fighter jet
alongside our airplane etc., there's really no restrictions on phone
calls or photos, just nowhere to make a phone call or develop film.
when things calm down we can communicate like before. feel free
to write me, i want to hear from you so badly. i've enclosed an
***address, i hope you take time to write. no one else is (i've
told some not to bother) not that i don't want people to write,
it's just that i can get only so many letters out and i want you
to be at the top of the list. c will mail me things i need but if you
want to send snacks, that would be cool. like i said, there is nothing
here,lol! i think of you a lot and was so happy to get an e-mail out
at the airport en-route! did you recieve it? i'm looking forward to
bosnia, it's got to be better than this place! i'm just hoping i won't be here
all year because i want to take time to raise the pup i'm getting.
i hope all is well with you, i do think of you often, don't think i
don't. there are some good points, however. there's a coffee
machine in the mess hall that makes about every type of drink
you can think of. it's warm here! and everything is free.
i should be able to save some money as well. we get some extra
pay,(combat,sep., etc.,) its a tax-free area so we pay no taxes,
(how nice of good ol' uncle sam)
well, some of the guys are going up to "midnight" chow at the
mess hall. (are we bored or what?) write back as soon as you can!
love,m

march 10,2003 (e-mail)
subject: on duty
just wanted to say hey before i went back to work...
will sleep later...write later
see-ya babe!...love...m


march 5,2003 (e-mail)
subject: american cigs
hi babe! the strong kind! (they don't have to be american)
like marlboro or camels. canadian players are good or any
full flavoured filtered cigs would work. the line to the px
takes 2 to 3 hours and there's nothing to buy anyway.
you're so sweet! might survive this hellhole yet.
letters and photos from you would be cool, i've yet
to recieve a letter from anyone. some of the guys are getting
mail, mostly packages but most of us have recieved no mail at all.
i dont get much news here so i'm in the dark about what's going on
in the world. there's a tent that used to have the news on but
the people here want sports and music videos. so no news is
available on that t.v. anymore. doesnt matter what happens anyway,
we're stuck here no matter what happens. i'm going to update my
webpage late tonight when the line dies down so maybe i'll
get another letter off to you...love...m


march14,2003(e-mail)
subject: another letter!
hi babe! don't have much time but i wanted to say hey anyway.
hope your feeling well and enjoying your new job...dont forget
events beyond my control might prevent me from e-mailing
but remember you're always in my heart and write anyway
because i'll always get to the e-mail, even if by phone...
miss you babe...love...m


march20,2003(e-mail)
subject: bombs away!
hey! i'm still here sweet thing! remember that they may shut the
phones down from time to time but they are back on now. i'll make
that call soon! we're real busy with guard and hiding in the bunkers
but i'll get a call out when things settle down. i wrote another letter
to you and i have some things to send you when the stupid atm
machine is working again. better make this short tonight, have to
get some things done before i go to bed...still thinking of you...
love...m

february23,2003 (first e-mail)
subject: same brainwave!

hey again babe! not all your messages are in vain! i got
some time off this afternoon so i headed straight for the
computer. not much to talk about (did you get my message
from frankfurt?) i'm going to answer some mail and i will get back!
love hearing from you girl, youre the bright spot in my drab, fucked up
world!....love...m

feb.14,2003 (first snailmail)
greetings to you dearest!
its not hot here yet,but its still winter. we're not doing much yet,
just got here. i'll send some photos when i can...
typical army camp. we're in a huge tent, 2 platoons to a tent.
rumours are flying but nothing worth talking about. as a matter of fact,
i have little to talk about at this time.
i'm still working on the e-mail thing, we're not on the main post
so it may be awhile before we can talk. I can always write however,
taking my notebook with me wherever i go. maybe you can save
these letters, a journal of sorts. I no longer keep a journal, just one in my head.
I hope you write when you can. i've sent my new address to Btown,
maybe some people from there will write, who knows. like i said,
i've got time to write now, we may get busier at a later date.
(zooom zooom! go the jets in the background) the chow's not too
bad anyway, some of the guys just got back from the mess hall
for coffee. there's a cute girl working there and i think the guys just
wanna ogle her! Give me a break!! there's only a million men here,
why torture yourself? she must be a whole of 18 years old, who knows?
anyway, we all walk down there...LOL
when the mood strikes, i will draw some cartoons. i can also tell you more
about what we are doing, maybe not so secret in the future. so how's
life in your abode? sounds like you are a real social bee, w/ visitors and all.
your story about the unwanted houseguest was entertaining. we all know people like that.
do you ever plan to visit the states again? i'll be here for 6 to 12 months but you know
you are welcome at my place in Btown. i would visit *** but most of my friends have left there by now.
at least you have family to visit stateside.
like i said, we are just getting settled in. i'll get to know my way around later,
after we get to know more about this place. the guys are talking,
asking me about unemployment benefits, ( i majored in human resources)
it is a sweet deal. after we are deployed for six months we are all entitled to
unemployment. thats a plus because you can earn cash from odd jobs plus recieve
benefits for school, trianing, etc. through the military. plus some of these guys will
pick up v.a. bennies (house buying, hospital and health, etc.)
anyway, i will bring this letter to a close. not much to talk about at this point.
watch the news, if you can. we dont have any t.v. here. i catch a little
news on the radio at nite, not much. the bbc does not broadcast on shortwave
anymore so that pretty much screws me. (the public radio ..npr..does not broadcast on
a.m. anymore as well.) hurts cuz i miss the in-depth reporting like
"all things considered", etc. well, write back if you've got time. i dont know when i will get e-mail back.
good luck to you, love.....m